Felicia Romero Blog

Overcoming your fears

What is stopping you from getting what you want in life?

April 23, 2012
Overcoming your fears

What is stopping you from getting what you want in life? Is it family? Is it friends? Is it a sense that failure (or success) might change your life, and that makes you uncomfortable? Or is it a sense that the people around you might disapprove of you aiming for what you want, of you succeeding or failing? Essentially what it boils down to is, fear. Fear is like a big roadblock; a massive wall in the middle of road that keeps you from getting what you want. How do you overcome it? Here, I'll share some of the ways I have dealt with my fears:

1. Get some concrete, positive motivation.
One way to get moving is to replace some of your negative thoughts –- that create negative feelings –- with clear, positive reasons to get going. Take just 5 minutes. Take out a piece of paper and a pen, and write down all the wonderful ways you can come up with how making this change will improve your life. A lack of motivation can leave you stuck contemplating how much your life sucks. If you don't become clear on your motivation, it can become hard to get going and even harder to realize why you actually need to change. Focus on those positive things to get motivated and inspired. Revisit your page of paper when you feel discouraged, uncomfortable or afraid. Even if it loses its inspiring effect gradually, it can be the initial trigger to "unstick" you. It's like a spark to help get you started, taking those first actions that send you into an upward spiral of thought and action.

2. See failure and rejection in a new light.
Often it’s easier to not do something because we fear failure and rejection. We may fear failure when starting on a new career path, and the rejection from friends, family and the people around us if we fail. Or we might feel scared wanting to do a competition or something in which we might be judged on. If you look at the most successful people you'll quickly notice that they have a different response to failure than the more common one.

Successful people don’t take failure or rejection that seriously. They know it’s not the end of the world if they fail. Instead they look at each failure and see the good part about: what they can learn from it and how to improve the next time. They have an "abundance" mentality. They know that if their first business venture fails, yes it feels like crap for a while, but it’s ok in the long run. They learn from it, and then they try again. Why? Because they know there are a lot of good business opportunities out there. And they have also learned that to become successful at anything, you have to fail perhaps 5, 10, 20 times or more.

The same applies here. You have work on your skills to sharpen them. See failure or rejection not as something negative, but as something positive. Redefine it in your mind to lessen the negative emotional impact and the fear. See failure simply as feedback on what you need to improve on. Listen to the advice the failure gives you and you will improve. And success will come.

3. Being in the now
Being in the now means keeping yourself steadily in the moment. It means not letting your thoughts and emotions run away to the future or the past. It means not dwelling on what has gone wrong before and what could go wrong tonight or tomorrow. Such thinking will only create and ramp up your fear to the point where you feel unable to do anything. And it will leave you feel like you want to just run away.

Instead, make your plans. Focus on the now and what needs to be done. When you arrive there, it will be much easier to get things because you have created a minimal amount of stress and fear within your mind. You stop fighting. You surrender.

So how do you surrender, you ask? First, let me explain what I mean by surrender. By surrendering, I don’t mean that you should give up and go home. Instead, when you feel fear, accept the feeling. Don’t try to fight it or keep it out (like many of us have learned throughout life). Say yes to it. Surrender and let it in.

Thanks so much for reading!

Felicia Romero
IFBB Figure Pro
Owner of AZ Pro Physiques
Team Gaspari Athlete
For appearances, sponsorship, modeling, etc.: fitnessdivasproductions@verizon.net